We can all struggle with mental health challenges at different stages of our lives. Learning how to look after ourselves, finding healthy coping mechanisms and building support into our lives through community and professional help is important.
Healthwatch Cumberland are sharing the story of a local woman who overcame difficult experiences to regain independence and move back into her community after living with a mental health condition.
“I have been in a very low and hard place for a long time but in 2010 that place was somewhere I didn’t think I would ever be able to leave.
Not only was I in that place but my family could see the darkness of that place, and they could also see the darkness in my eyes.
10 years on I can finally accept how mentally and physically poorly I was.
I was put in prison for my own safety and to give the courts time to be able to apply a Section 37 Hospital order.
Once I had that order, I went to my first Hospital never thinking that I would actually be going into a further 3 Hospitals after that.
I benefited from going into my first Hospital. After 5 years of being in there I gained a lot of confidence and accepting the person who I was before admission. I was Discharged into the community with 24hr support sharing a house with another lady who had been in the same hospital as myself, so it was good to know someone who lived there too, there were also 10 males who lived at the house too, this didn’t affect how much bad history I had had with males
To be fair they were a good laugh. My friend moved on to her own flat with support staff. It was sad to see her go but I was also so happy for her as she had worked hard to get her own flat.
I found it hard after she left because all I was listening to were 10 males bantering and swearing and being inappropriate in what they were saying and the manor they were saying it in. But now when I looked back on this, I know we all were struggling with mental health problems, and everyone deals with these issues in so many different ways. I know my relapse wasn’t down to the individuals in the house, it was because I had put high expectations on myself to basically be super woman, thinking I could fix everything and everyone. I still struggled with my mental health. I thought it was a thing of the past and I had been cured and that I was ok I could go on and do whatever I wanted. Little did I know that my mental health deteriorated quite quickly and it was nothing to do with anyone else’s attitude it was down to my own attitude about not being straight with myself about my medication and all the skills I had learnt whilst in hospital.
Whilst all this was going on, I had family back home who had been in a bad place too because they had to watch their own mum try to take her life so many times. I loved them so much, but I knew that I was in the way of them following their dreams too.
I was admitted to a further 3 Hospitals over the next 5 years.
My last Hospital where I had been for nearly two years was where I found my skills needed to be used if I wanted to work on getting out of hospital. These skills were being tested to their limit because I wanted to be a mum and a grandma again. I questioned myself and what would help me to find the true me underneath all the heartbreak.
The skills I have valued so much was in my groups with others like me wanting to be able to get out of hospital, wanting our freedom and wanting family and loved ones to know that they didn’t have to worry about us. For me it was the end of my family getting phone call saying that I had hurt myself again or was in a dangerous situation. The skills I was using was from all the DBT I had been doing for a long time. At first, it didn’t sink in how valuable these skills would be for me.
So, moving into the community was exciting, happy, scary and emotional for me, I was moving back home to my family, I was excited at being able to be a mum again and felt so lucky to being a grandma to 7 gorgeous grandchildren. I wasn’t the only person who was emotional about moving into the community, my family were too, they had been waiting for this day for a long time
Due to Covid 19 I was unable to see the property I was moving to. 2 of the staff came before lockdown to assess me for the accommodation and I was accepted, so when I realised I wouldn’t be able to come through to see where I was moving to, I looked at how the staff were with me when they came to see me. They were really approachable, lovely, open, kind people and they even said they had a flat in mind for me which was downstairs because I’m not getting any younger and struggle with stairs. So, for me I felt that I would be ok just to move in, I think my thoughts were to push myself that bit further because I knew I was so far away from who I was in 2010.
I had also met my care-co-ordinators They were both so lovely and approachable too, I knew this was something big and such a positive and an amazing move waiting for me to grab with both hands.
After Lockdown was lifted, I got the news that I was being discharged and moving back home.
I had a mix of emotions inside my head. I knew I had learned one valuable lesson and that was to use the skills I had learnt. These skills were given to me and others because the staff wanted us to be leaving hospital and wanted us to be with family and friends and to succeed in enjoying life again.
So, in the first week I had so many things that I needed to do. I had prepared for this with my psychologist before leaving hospital, so I didn’t feel as overwhelmed. It did help to prioritise the important things first, which were: Register at a new GP, Housing Benefit, Council Tax, water, gas, electric, television licence and Benefits.
It did seem a mammoth task to do all these things, but I had the support of the staff, and I sat down with them, and they typed everything in on the computer. I just had to give details, so even though I thought I was going to be stressed I wasn’t stressed at all.
If I did have anything to sort out myself and I was on the phone left on hold for 50 minutes listening to some boring music, I pulled myself away from what had just happened and concentrated on what I needed to do to calm my emotions down. So, I took myself completely away from the phone call and concentrated on my breathing and just slowed it right down. I could put the kettle on, have a cuppa and think of all the positive’s I had in my life at that time and there was so many. Deal with that phone call later that day or there is always tomorrow, I thought about what I could do to make me feel good about myself. I got all my photos out and put them up in my lounge because these were of people who I loved so much and they felt the same about me.
So, I had actually pulled all my DBT skills together and made a situation so much easier to deal with.
By accepting that I had emotions that were not going to do me any favours I accepted that and then asked myself what I can do to come away from that emotion. So, I was dealing with the fact that yes, it was hard to deal with that phone call, but I want to see things more clearly.
Then I put some self-soothing actions in place to bring me back to why life was so good and happy.
These skills were needed in so many situations.”
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