10th October marked World Mental Health Day, and our Volunteer Charlotte has prepared some tips, tricks and personal insights into ways you can look after your wellbeing.
“We all have those days when we don’t feel like ourselves, and at times it’s the weight of our responsibilities that does this, at other times it’s concerns and anxiety, making it difficult to understand what’s wrong with us, yet we should always try and be aware of these feelings.”
“It’s often the little things that leave the strongest impression in these situations. So, what can help you when you feel like this? A talk, a song, spending time in nature, or simply being allowed to rest—all these small things can be a great help. Remember that you are not alone, that things can be improved, and that it is all right to take a step back.”
On World Mental Health Day we would like to give you some encouraging words to remind you that help is available to you even on the most difficult days.
“I have had my fair share of difficulties concerning my mental health and I am aware that there is no straightforward way of overcoming them. There are times when you know what would be helpful but simply don’t have the energy to carry it out, and on other occasions you do not even know where to begin.”
“I have learnt from my own experiences that it is not necessary to deal with everything at once; it is sometimes enough just to find one thing that helps you get through the day and to realise when you need support, as well as reminding yourself that it is okay to be kind to yourself even when you are feeling low.”
When life does not go to plan
“Life does not happen in a straight line; often, after having got out of one difficult situation, you come up against another unforeseen problem. If you think things are improving, there is always something else that makes you doubt yourself again.”
“I can remember how the various problems I've had in my personal life have had a negative effect on my self-esteem, my belief in my future, and my self-respect; and I've had to struggle through strong emotions all the while carrying on with my daily routine. However, the most unpleasant thing is that the world doesn't halt its activities merely because you're going through a difficult time—you still have to go to school, you still have to work, and you have other duties even though you have very little left in your mind for anything else.”
“When I looked at my classmates and saw them graduating, I on more than one occasion found myself wondering where I should go in life. It is hard not to compare yourself with others, particularly since you have seen so many people carrying out the milestones while you are still working on them.”
“Yet we can never get a full view of another person's life, and their achievements, joyous moments, and successes are often just a brief sight. It is simple to compare our own lives with those of others and fail to recognize that our situations may be different from theirs.”
“As a domestic at the hospital and a college student, my life can be very tiring, and it is not always easy to keep up with the duties involved. I have on many occasions had to remind myself that my own future still had a path ahead of it, even if it did not turn out the way I had anticipated. Progress does not have to be a degree, a ceremony, or some other kind of achievement that others can see. At times it is the effort we put into getting through a tough week and still going on with what is important to us.”
“While a diagnosis might offer some answers, it can also raise new questions regarding your health, your future and what comes next. Having recently been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) has added another dimension to my emotional experience. It is entirely normal to need some time before you get used to having a diagnosis and it is not at all wrong to feel a mixture of emotions about it.”
Dealing with different challenges at the same time
“The fact that it is difficult to deal with a number of challenges at the same time is rarely mentioned. It is as though we believed that we should be handling the difficulties more effectively and quicker, carrying on meanwhile with no change; we are so busy in our efforts to meet expectations that we fail to ask ourselves how we are getting on.”
“We often place a great deal of pressure on ourselves to carry on, to catch up, and to have everything worked out, even though our daily routine is difficult and even if we have to struggle just to get through the day. Yet the fact that we struggle does not mean that we are lazy, incompetent, or a failure; it only means that we need more time, understanding, and assistance than we currently realise.”
“I never know the answer, and it is not necessary for anyone to know it. I am still coming to the realization that life isn't as simple as we want it to be, that some of the things which make us feel sad or uneasy don't go away as quickly as we hope, and that we can't always control what happens to us; but I can begin to learn how to notice when I am struggling and to offer myself the support and consideration that I need.”
“A necessary aspect of well-being is to understand that it is not essential to work out all the details at once; there is no need to have a clear plan for the whole of the future; we do not have to compare our own path with that of anyone else. At times, the first move is simply to admit that it is difficult.”
Finding ways to cope
“When you feel overwhelmed by life, finding ways to cope with it can sometimes feel like a fresh challenge. Even if you know in your mind that it would help you to take a break, to talk to someone, to go outside, it may not be that you have the energy or desire to do that. When you are mentally exhausted, it can be difficult to even do small things, and it can also be difficult for you to know where to start.”
Why is it important to find coping mechanisms that work for us?
“We may not be able to make the matter go away, but if we find some way of managing our emotions, it helps us to digest what has happened, or to find space to breathe, to breathe and to get started again.”
Charlotte’s top tips:
- Find a relaxing hobby you enjoy
This could include listening to music, watching a favourite film or a program, reading a book, or doing something creative. Hobbies can give us something to focus on for a while and remind us that our lives are made up of something other than our painful experiences.
- Get some fresh air
Going for a walk or simply sitting in a quiet place outside can help. A small change of scenery can sometimes make you feel better during difficult times.
- Talk to someone you trust
To be listened to without being judged, without being offered a solution and without being told how we should feel, can have a beneficial effect. We do not always need someone to make our life better; sometimes we just need to feel heard.
- Get enough rest
Rest is not something we need to earn by completing our list of tasks. Sometimes we must accept the fact that we are tired and give ourselves the right to slow down.
- Writing down your thoughts
Journalling can also help us make sense of what we feel. Sometimes just by getting the thoughts out of your head it can be clearer what bothers you and what you need.
“Remember, coping does not always look as if you’re making progress. Sometimes coping may consist in completing our tasks and fulfilling our goals; other days it may consist of avoiding something, in asking for help, in fixing our minds on one thing, a small thing.”
“We are all different, and our needs change from day to day, and what can help us one day is not likely to help us the next. There is no one remedy that suits all situations, and there is no remedy that can help everyone. On one occasion we might need a distraction, then someone to talk to, then professional help when our feelings become too much for us to cope with alone.”
“It is important to recognize when our usual coping strategies are not enough. Personal care and positive distractions can be helpful, but they do not always tackle the reason for the difficulty. When difficulties persist, interfere with everyday life, or become increasingly overwhelming, it may be advisable to reach out to a GP, a mental health professional or another appropriate support service. Asking for help is not a sign of inability, but a way to look after ourselves.”
“We spend so much time searching for the right answer that we forget that we are allowed to be a work in progress, we do not have to be an expert at all coping mechanisms or know exactly what to do in every difficult moment. I am still learning what helps me and there is something important in saying that coping does not always have to mean making it better. Sometimes it is enough to find something that helps you get through the moment, give yourself the time, and support you need to go through everything else.”
“We deserve the same kindness and compassion that we would extend to someone else in our situation.”
“We may not always have control of what happens next, but we can start by recognizing our own feelings, allowing ourselves to ask for help and remembering that we are not alone in this struggle.”
Small messages, big meanings
The Healthwatch team recently asked people to chare with us their motivational words on a Post-it note. Watch our Facebook video to see the People First team sharing some of the messages.
Each note has its own message, encouraging us to persevere, believe in ourselves, respect others, and ask for help when we need it. Although the messages are short, they communicate something crucial. It shows the importance of reminding people that their feelings matter, and they do not have to go through life alone.
Some of the notes give encouragement with phrases like "You've got this!" and "You can do this!"
Although these are simple phrases, when a person is struggling to feel confident or cope with everyday life, it can be helpful to receive a reminder of their own abilities. Sometimes, we can become so caught up in what is going wrong that we forget what we have accomplished.
Inspirational words can provide a moment to reflect on all that we have done.
Other notes focus on the importance of being accepting of ourselves and of others. One reads, "Everyone should be themselves unapologetically." The note reminds us that we should not have to hide parts of ourselves to satisfy other people's expectations.
Our mental health can be affected by the pressure we put on ourselves to conform, appear happy, or make things seem easier than they are. Feeling accepted without having to pretend everything is fine is a critical part of feeling supported.
Where to find support
Though coping mechanisms can help us to manage difficult moments, there may also be times when we need extra support. Recognizing that we are struggling is important but knowing where to turn can help us when we feel overwhelmed.
One of the first steps may be to talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable talking to. You do not have to know all your feelings or have perfect words for that first conversation.
Speaking to your GP
Your GP will be able to discuss with your troubles with you and help you find a suitable method of assistance. NHS talking therapies are also available for issues such as anxiety and depression without a formal diagnosis or a GP's referral.
Finding local support in Cumbria
For people living in Carlisle and the surrounding areas, Carlisle Eden Mind offers support locally. Its services include Mindline Cumbria, a confidential listening and signposting service available on 0300 561 0000. The service operates from midday until 11 pm Monday to Friday and from 5 pm until 11 pm at weekends.
Carlisle Eden Mind also runs The Lighthouse, an appointment-only, face-to-face service for people experiencing a mental health crisis, feeling unsafe, or struggling to cope. It is available every evening from 5 pm until 11 pm.
You can also visit Cumberland Council's Mental Health Support page to look for local services and find out more about getting help.
When you need someone to listen
At times, it can be easier to speak to someone outside your personal circle. Samaritans offer free and confidential listening, and are available to anyone at any time, seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day on the number 116 123.
For those who would prefer to search for services and support on the Internet, the Hub of Hope helps people find mental health services and organisations in their area.
Getting urgent mental health support
If you or someone you know needs urgent mental health care, dial NHS 111 and select the mental health option.
If someone is in immediate danger or needs emergency medical assistance, call 999 or go to A&E.
You do not have to face things alone.